Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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