I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
