The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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