when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
