No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
