Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
