need another drink. this is the easiest way
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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