So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
