yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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