saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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