I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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