If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
