dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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