Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize