they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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