He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
