you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
