I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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