Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
