i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
