Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
