i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize