I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
