Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
