tonight lets celebrate not being married
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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