good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
