Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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