I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
