she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize