i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
