Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
