Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
