I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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