your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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