I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
