508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
