we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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