Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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