I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
