Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize