Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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