i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
