every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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