I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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