I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
