Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
