I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
