if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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