WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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