im six kinds of drunk right now
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
