gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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