Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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