i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude. I can hear the air.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
