Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize