All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
