Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
