Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I FOUND THE LEGS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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