whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize