oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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