He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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