she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
