I CAN MOONWALK!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
