Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i will never coherently bang her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
