I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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