Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
