you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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