It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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