The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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