I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
