DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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