I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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