She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im part way to drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
